Then adulthood, quarter life crisis (actually crises), and cynicism.
But life travels in circles and, if we're lucky, spirals.
I feel lucky.
Like many in their late-twenties, living in NYC, I wanted so much more. And when I was ready, teachers appeared in all things. I fall in love at least twice a day now.
I think a good indicator for spiritual or self-aware progress can be found when you brush (not trip) against your own past as you're moving forward, take note of it, and keep moving. Wallowing in nostalgia is not of-the-moment. But deja-vu is. It propels you progressively, urgently, and, of course, uncannily.
For those so inclined, I recommend reading Jacques Lacan's framing of this idea. He calls it: meconnaisance.
When you train hard, the soft emerges. And this is how, twenty+ years after childhood, Anne Shirley returns. As you may know, the Anne of GG series has a cult-like following in Japan. Many have speculated as to why. They've suggested that it represents a desire for a Japan that never was. Perhaps. Whatever the reason, I found the following article on the Aikido Journal site (see: http://www.aikidojournal.com/?id=3432). It is written by Nev Sagiba Sensei. In it he describes what is, I think, the ideal human-animal: rigorously disciplined in mind and body and, as a result, surprisingly gentle in spirit.
And so today, as Coney Island's Astroland officially closes its doors forever, new ones open. Here's an example:
Advantage and Disadvantage - Life Navigation Skills
Pursuing the path of Aikido over many years has taught me the simple revelation made by a friend a long time ago, on a beach watching the rising sun: “To every advantage, there is a disadvantage; to every disadvantage there is an advantage. Each carries inside of it the seed of its opposite.”
This is the secret of navigating life, indeed the very cosmos itself. Ukemi.
I have a friend, a very hard stylist who never stayed with Aikido long enough to truly extract its benefits, who jeers at the Koryu or Kobudo arts’ methodology; the old style where the master takes the uke role. He claims, “Yeah, they practice losing so they can get good at it.” I’m not sure what he bases this on but, since he talks a lot and no longer practices, I can only deduce that it’s just plain ignorance arrived at because of academic theorizing and lack of practice. A bad combination indeed.
Can we really agree with this view in the face of the fact the old masters came from generations of battle-hardened warriors often going back thousands of years into old China and India? Their methods obviously have purpose, discovered in the wisdom of ages of experience.
My experience over my few years of variegated training differs considerably from that of my friend and I have consistently observed the very opposite to his view. I concur with the Kobudo view. I have found that the sport ‘martial artists’, the few freaks who survive this hard game invariably get killed or turn out to be cowards in the street, the field and any real emergency. In tending to be self-centered about winning they walk into their own darkness and fail. Repeatedly I’ve witnessed this. Big, tough, macho pussies they turn out to be, only capable of generally pushing their weight around when no real risk exists.
Conversely, the gentle, non-competitive people who train quietly and treat everyone with respect generally turn out to be fearless warriors in all manner of high-risk situations. And then they resume their creative service to society bearing their own burden as if nothing happened. You generally would not pick them as being out of the ordinary.
Again and again and again I have seen this trend until it began to speak to me. I asked the question: Why? I have no answers, but I have developed a theory, the theory of Ukemi and Kaeshi.
When you practice to both “win” and “lose” till these two impostors become irrelevant, another dimension of consciousness begins to appear; a different paradigm or way of viewing existence which enables us to navigate instead of blunderbuss through life, with entirely different results.
Because you understand both, you fear neither, and therefore it becomes possible to take charge and win at every point.
Remember the days when trainees of some arts knew no groundwork. Nor how to fall safely, and if felled, made the decision to imagine they had lost. A mere fall was considered a loss in their minds and at that point they gave up trying. Man, the ground is your ally and just the beginning whether you stay there or not! And you GET UP AGAIN.
A Budo acquaintance I share information with, often confesses that he has “lost” as many fights as he has won. Since he refers to crime fighting he’s referring to the real thing, not sport. Whilst I appreciate his candor, I keep having to tell him that he has lost none. He does not seem to get it and I have to keep repeating it: “If you lost you would be dead!” Mere bruises, pain and injuries do not constitute loss, they indicate you are alive. “What did you do?” I ask. He replies: “I got up and got on with life.” I rest my case. You won. The rest is mere details.
Life navigation is determined by attitudes. The practice of Aikido in particular, delineates those attitudes.
I was on the phone not long ago talking business with another friend, a hardened Budoka, now a successful business entrepreneur with some severe past street experience. He suddenly, mid-conversation told me: “I have to go. I’m closing shop, ‘Anne of Green Gables’ is on.” And hung up the phone.
What??? ‘What’s is the world coming to?’, I thought. But I became intrigued. I recalled that my ex and her daughters used to watch it and I then, being younger and more task-oriented, basically ignored it as “girlie stuff.” Now, this toughened, street hardened warrior closed shop to watch “Anne of Green Gables”? Well, most of my life has been surreal in one way or another, so, whilst surprised I quickly adapted; but my intrigue got the better of me and so I decided to close shop as well and put the TV on and watch “Anne of Green Gables!” What was it a street hardened fighter was getting out of watching this? So much so that I ended up getting the complete series and er.. studying it.
No leaping of tall buildings. Just human circumstance. A bit too close to home for comfort. And the nostalgia of a seeming better past is always a hook. Romantic, idealized and unrealistic pasts are always an escape from now. But there are some bits of gold in the story that do apply to real life.
The way the character, a girl, heroically navigates a potentially miserable life turning everything her way, was pure Aikido life navigation. Portraying the highest, the best, the possible of human potential, never staying down for long, bringing value to the world instead of only taking and expecting. Strong where necessary, but mostly dynamically kind and staunchly compassionate in the face of spite, anger, hard-heartedness, envy, betrayal and a host of miseries. Making friends of possible enemies and never taking no for an answer when it came to integrity.
It caused me to reflect on my past life. Despite my high and noble ideals.. well.. it makes me look like a bull in a china shop with a blindfold; or a steam roller in high gear, though I did not realise it at the time.
Looking back, of necessity I too fought life more than necessary at times, instead of appropriately yielding to least some circumstances. I hope I can learn to do better as I grow. It taught me also that for the vast most of us, when we behave like idiots, we know no better and that’s why we stumble blindly, clumsily and arrogantly through a life riddled with errors and learning mostly the hard way. It brought up considerable feeling of forgiveness for others in this plight, not possible many years ago in the thick of battle.
I have known people in life who in many ways resemble this Anne character, not a Pollyanna but a dynamic spiritual warrior, yet with heart. What made them different? An ATTITUDE and a CHOICE to remain positive despite the challenges and to CONVERT THE DISADVANTAGES INTO ADVANTAGES. PURE AIKIDO.
Er.. it makes my expertise on the mat and other battles pale into insignificance. I’m the student; they and the character of Anne are the masters of Aikido. Guys with a hakama… nothing much.
What enables such an attitude earlier in life in some more than others, the slow learners like me?
I don’t know, but I found these passages which I’ll share:
From Rudyard Kipling:
IF
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master,
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!
—Rudyard Kipling
And from the Mahabarata and the Bhagavad Gita:
”..Realize that pleasure and pain, gain and loss, victory and defeat, are all one and the same: then go into battle..”
Another translation:
“…Treating pleasure and pain, gain and loss, victory and defeat alike, engage yourself in your duty..”
In other words: Get over it. Grow up. Do something about your attitude. Get on with the business of being human, creating and serving all life, and sure, be a good fighter as well, just in case you need it, but make better things than mere fighting, your primary focus.
And if you have to, when there is no alternate choice, then fight if you have to.
As the Founder of Aikido stated: “Leave everything in the hands of the Universe.. Live life creatively and to the fullest… Love all life… True Budo is an expression of God’s love… It requires no more weapons than your heart… Regardless of circumstance, hold an attitude where everything can be converted to advantage, no matter what… true victory is victory within yourself, everything else then follows…”
Nev Sagiba
aikiblue.com
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