And finally the night of rest...

Tonight was wonderful. 

Based on the last six days of work, I finally feel happiness that is meaningful: my friends detected a change in me and responded organically with warmth. They embraced my new focus on THEM. They responded enthusiastically as they noted that I was really interested in THEIR lives.

They enjoyed our time together--and so did I. 

I meet up with my friends almost every Friday night. And for the first time in three years I was truly happy with them. 

Why? Because--FINALLY!--I was a friend.

Some wanted to know what I'd been up to that felt so realistically palpable to them--in fact, they wanted in. I recommended the practice of yoga which has been so transformative for me. But in the end of the day, in the evening, it was due to the fact that I listened. Really. The night was about them from my POV. I chose to make it so... as much as I could. And in the language of capitalist economics: the relationships returned dividends based on real investment. And in the far more generous language of socialism: the smallest divisible human unit is at least two people, not one.

My friends and I now have an economy or a collective going on, depending on your political outlook. The result is the same: we are not in a hopeful welfare situation anymore.

We exchanged.

The lesson: practice in the form of rehearsal, when done with intent, pays off in performance. As I noted in a previous posting, I am a theatre director, not an actor. My friends are all actors. They know what it means to put themselves on the front lines. Tonight, their director decided to be an actor. 

Now I know what a director must do in rehearsal = act. Do.

If this post seems grandiose as it surely will to me in the morning, I ask for this: if you've ever been happy, and realized that it came from love and you were desperate for more... know that love may be the only sustainable happiness. It can be felt again tomorrow. Choose to do it. With effort. It's a choice. 

Actors frequently talk about "choice" because those are the moments to moments which build a full performance.

Thank you, friends. I'm grateful.